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The word 'perfect' triggered some sort of reminder, and he started looking his little sister up and down. Since he was 13, he remembered feeling sexual attractions for his sister. Now that he was 17, and she was 13, those hormones had caused him to become horny even at the thought of her.Some days he would peer into her bedroom to watch his little sister playing with her toys or sleeping peacefully. More recently he'd started masturbating over thoughts of her. He wasn't a pedophile, it's just that he'd been with his sister for so long and been attracted to her all his life that he was still frustrated that he couldn't say anything.Today, he felt that he needed to do something. His parents were out at a meeting and it was late at night. Casually, he dropped in a sentence."Do you know what sex is, yet?" he asked.Emma looked at him, mouth open. "Of course I do! Stop trying to distract me!" She shot him once again."Have you ever had sex?" Alex smirked, staring into Emma's blue eyes that. He hadtried to eliminate it. He had gone to therapy to identify a source in hispast with the intention of rooting it out, but every apparent dawn ofknowledge and understanding proved false. Every destination turning outto be just another curve in the road.No, he reasoned, he had tried with real love to live a full life withHarriet. He had tried hard and genuinely, but it had just not beenpossible. He had lied to her, but maybe, by denying his true self, he hadlied to himself even more. It would be too cruel to reveal all to her,but continuing to live as he was would be unfair to both of them.It was a true tragedy, William convinced himself, but this was for thebest. His feelings for Harriet were true and real, just not as true andreal as his desire to be a woman. He had no reason to feel ashamed of hisintegral desires he resolutely told himself, and no reason to discountthe love expressed in the life he had lived with Harriet. Even now whenthe scale was decisively tipped, he could.
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